Caregiver Burnout

I found an interesting article that I had saved from my local weekly paper that shed some light on caring for our elderly parents.  I thought it would be nice to share some insights from that article with you.

Many of us have parents in their 80’s or 90’s and we’re seeing situations where one parent is doing their best to take care of their spouse.  Mom is caring for dad on a 24/7 basis, or the other way around.  They always tell us that they are doing “okay”, but we know that is not the case.  Mom or dad can only do so much.  But when the family brings up a Long-term care solution, that’s when we have all heard our parents tell us that they are never going into a nursing home.

What is a family to do?  We see our parents paying a heavy price by taking care of each other.  That price might not be a financial one, but more of a physical, psychological or emotional price.  Most elderly folks who grew up in the 30’s and 40’s learned that families take care of themselves.  They are too proud to ask anybody for help, especially from their children who have their own lives to worry about.

In addition to the physical, psychological or emotional toll caring for an elderly spouse takes on the caregiver, there is also a financial price.  To many, the costs of getting assistance for mom or dad can add up to a fair amount of money.  Something as simple as getting a person to help for a couple hours per day (14 hours per week) at $10 per hour can add up to $560 per month. This might not be a huge number, but at $560 per month, that could be a stretch for our parents, especially if they are on a fixed income.  For a sick parent that needs 24/7 full-time care, a nursing home might be the least expensive option compared to having that care given in the house. This option might also allow the healthy parent to have a better quality of life as well.

This article reminded me of my own dad telling my sister and I about his approach to taking care of my mom when she was in declining health and would pass out on the bedroom floor after getting out of bed.  He tried to make light of a serious situation with his response, “You know I can’t lift her up, so I just make her comfortable and wait for her to wake up”.

** Proud parents who grew up not wanting to be a burden on anybody.

So, if your parents are still around, please have a conversation with them about how their family will take care of them in the event they can’t take care of themselves, whether it’s financially, emotionally or physically.  Let them know it’s okay to ask for help.

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